We, as mothers are primarily responsible for raising upstanding human beings. I know, we are examples to our daughters, we try to teach them how to grow up to be independent women, lead healthy lifestyles, take care of their families, but most of all.. to have a sense about themselves that will enable them to survive in a world with a history of keeping women down and in their place.
My only daughter, Keely, had her birthday Sunday. It was not a fun and joyous occasion like most of her past birthdays have been. Don't get me wrong..she has a fun loving, upbeat nature. She is funny... a perky kind of girl. But this birthday, well..she wasn't.
Now, turning 36.. wasn't the cause of her depressed mood...mind you..cause she is very young minded ..(alot like her ole Mom) and it's not because she spotted a few wrinkles ... (like her Mom...you see...I. .cough cough.. have NONE! he! he!) and of course she is beautiful!! (uuhhhumm! I know, I know..her Mom talkin' here... but really..just look at her!) but those superficial reasons are not why she is sooo very sad!
She is one of the many households that has been tragically caught up in this huge economy downturn! First..she was cut back on all her work, then her husband got laid off from his construction job and now they're on the brink of losing their home. I can't possibly know how she must feel...the helplessness inside of her. Can you imagine ..the fear of being homeless, wondering how you will feed your kids? Facing the humiliation and despair of defeat. She is worried.
So..you say..what do you do? Yes ..there are many people around to help. She has some friends who've offered a shoulder to lean on or to cry on. And her family will always be her backbone when she needs one and, of course, it goes without saying, we will, always, be there to help in any way we can. But what does a good mother teach her daughter about facing some of the hardest and worst times in her life?
Good Mothers have the LOVE ..the determination within us to build our girls up and show them the skills they will need to be positive..to overcome life's toughest obstacles. Maybe we can show them how to alleviate stress ..even this kind of stress. I know my daughter has had to face some very stressful times in the last 3 years with her Dad having cancer and now being in kidney failure .....and.... I don't know where any individuals limit really lies, but I do know a Good mother never quits!
One thing you'll see along with stress is the lack of sleep. But lack of sleep was part of the package the minute you got pregnant ..remember?? the worrying about your newborn.. and walking the floor came the 1st night you brought that little baby home from the hospital, right? Oh ..wasn't it nice for those of us that had a Mom or help from a Mom/type to come and stay awhile! Someone to rock that baby and let us get some sleep..to tell us it was perfectly normal for the baby to cry and perfectly normal for the mommy to cry! Someone to help you deal with that stress and tell you everything was going to get better. Then comes the worry. You worry about everything.. when you become a Mother. Is the baby eating enough? Is the baby breathing? Is the baby going to die of some dreaded disease? Are you going to be a Good Mother? ....but you soon learn that it is part of the job and you have to channel it into healthy things to raise your child the right way.
What a Good Mother does is a labor of love. First ..you have to remember.. that being a Mother is a privilege! Knowing that and remembering that...should always be the Golden Rule!
2nd...your children are your legacy! We all know that the best thing one can leave behind on this earth that will contribute to the good is raising a good and healthy child. And then they pass on your legacy to their children and so on. Your strengths and kindness's will even be spread around to others' children as well. You know .. like being the Good Mother to all children. So ..to me it is clear...not so very easy but still...very clear! you have to be a good MOM!
My lovely daughter will always be loved...but mostly I want her to feel secure in that love. A Good Mother will make her child know of that mother's commitment. She will teach her daughter to know her place in the world, and show her how to be confident in her ability to be what she wants or can be. I hope I taught my daughter to respect herself and to stand behind her decisions. Not all of them will be right but that's not the point! The point is.. she stood up and made those decisions and now will stand behind them and learn from her mistakes... grow from them ..get stronger thorough them. And then.. she can go on to be a good mother to her daughter and teach her about her own individuality and how she can remain emotionally connected to her mother but still remain independent and self sufficient.
I am so sorry, my dear, Keely, that you are in such pain. It hurts me and troubles me so. But know this.....just like the strong oak tree growing from a twig ..blowing in the harsh winds....what doesn't break you.. makes you stronger!!!! and all this will pass. Know...I will always be there for you and that you can count on.. to my dying days. I see so much strength and wisdom in you. Also, I see it in my little granddaughter.. everyday! You both are growing into wonderful women! You have done such a Good Mother job with her. I am proud of you. And..I hope, I, too am that Good Mother! I hope, sweetie, your birthday next year is a happy one ...I love you!