Wednesday, July 29, 2009
I ran over my Dog!
A lot of bad has been happening to me and my family lately! Could it be that someone put a curse on me? Or am I just having a run of bad luck? I started to think..... some one needs to put down the voodoo doll and just give us a break!
My family..my kids..they have always been very been very healthy ..by that I mean..no illness's..besides what scrapes they have got themselves into..you know..... the normal bumps and bruises? of being raised an active country boy or girl! They've crashed and burned..riding their bicycles.. straight down rocky, hillsides, jumped off tall, haystacks and climbed up on tall roofs, played slingshot with large rocks, been drug around arenas when halter breaking their show steers, drug through the mud by their hogs, have gotten their fingers caught in ropes and trailers hitches, knocked off their horses while roping calves and flung to the ground when trying to ride the occasional bull! They've been run over by four-wheelers and flipped off snowmobiles. Been hit in the head hard with baseballs and gotten a broken nose with a bat! They practiced backing up a trailer before they had a driver's license and then been pulled over for driving before they had that license (but they were wearing their seat beats!) ..the little girl even chipped her teeth four-wheeling before she was ten. They've gotten bite marks, contusions, concussions, sprains, strains and stitches playing high school football, one son sprained his wrist, while the other broke his butt (twice ..seriously) while racing motorcycles, but the worst that ever really happened was when the younger son had 12 metal pins put in his leg after he broke both his tibia and fibula going over a high-jump at a race-track. wheww!! (And where were their parents, you ask?) Some-one was watching out for them.
Needless to say... they've tried it all and we've been lucky through-out their years of growing up! Through it all we've been a happy and loving bunch! No illness' and never a fight amongst each other and I've always thanked the Lord for my family's health and ability to enjoy each other and life. And then I just got on with living.
I know life is full of lessons and as you can tell..our lives have always been busy and somtimes seemingly in peril *ha *ha! Now.. my life has never been fantastic, but it has been a good life with as many more ups than there have been downs... and overall..it usually has awarded me great lengths of time for rest(s) between the bad lessons and the good lessons. Lately... tho ..thru the last 5 years..I'm not getting enough rest. My lessons are comming more rapidly.
If you have been reading my blog at all ..you know my husband was stricken with bile-duct cancer a couple of years ago. That is when my life changed drastically. The beginning of some of the biggest changes and lessons in my life.
My husband and I never had much money.. we've worked hard for what little we have, my husband helped start a small construction company, worked hard and helped to build it up, then we borrowed to buy it's assets and continued to build on it. But ..times are tough now for construction and I really don't need to tell you how hard it's been to make ends meet. The same is true for so many small business owners.
Two weeks ago, we found out that the tumor the doctors found in Mike's father was indeed cancerous. Now, he is staring chemotherapy. It was just four years ago that he had decided to move back to his native country of Argentina, South America. That move so far away devastated my husband. His only family..leaving this family man.. alone in this country with a terminal illness. Soon his cancer set in. Mike is struggling with dialysis right now so news of his Father is extra painful. And both Mike and his father are battling with their diseases without being able to ever see each other again.
Then....my older son was cutting metal for signs in this last year when the grinder he was using jammed and jerked back..hit him in the face.. slicing his face from below his eye along his nose..into the bone of his face.. down into the palate..and through his lip. He doesn't know if it knocked him out but it knocked him on his back! Bits of the broken blade had to be taken out of the bone in his face in an emergency surgery. I was so afraid he was never going to smile again.
Then..last month..my daughter decided to leave her home that they have been trying to sell after the bottom fell out of the housing market here. She lost her all her jobs after needing surgery and her husband lost his job in construction. There has been no work in Construction here. They have been feeling sad and powerless.
Now.. my youngest son has come home with his third bruised face and blackened eye in 3 months. The second fight was so awful.. he had 6 staples put in (could not have stitches) and had a concussion and the plastic surgeon said he may still need surgery to pull the facial bones back out that were crushed in from the blows to his head and face. I cried for his anguish of fighting not for his pain.
Then...last week..I blew up my truck engine.
There were so many things that were coming at me that were going wrong. Family things were being said to hurt my Mom... and things happening too personal to tell here, but everything I seemed to touch turned to stone.
So..as I was really trying to meditate and trying to bring good energy to us all. Asking God to help and thanking the universe for all that I have..as I try to always do. I thought..maybe God is testing me or else ..someone out there really doesn't like me! (ya think?) ! Maybe sending some huge amount of bad energy my way! I was walking around ..telling everyone to "Stand Back!!" ..as I had a black cloud hanging over me! I was staring to fall into a deep despair!
My husband has always wore his gold cross even when I met him some 40 years or so ago..for what he's says brings him safe keeping. The only time he has ever taken it off is when he has had surgery or goes in for tests, then he gives it to me to wear.... and then I pray a lot.
So when.. Mike took his cross off over his head and handed it to me and told me I needed it more than him... I jumped at the opportunity and started praying.
Well.. then it happened... on Friday..I had just dropped my grand kids off at school...since I was keeping them over the weekend. I was coming up the hill to my house when I said thanks for being able to spend time with them since they were so cute that morning and they always make me feel better..and then I kissed my hubby's cross, and turned into my dirt driveway. I was using my son's truck and he warned me to drive slowly because of his special wheels. There she was.. my little heeler dog, Miley, guarding the place...like she normally does..when all of a sudden.. a rabbit dashed out from the brush beside the truck and Miley dodged after it ...Running..RIGHT UNDER MY TIRES! I felt the thud and I heard her let out a painful YELP! Then I knew I hit her..and I slammed it in park and got out to look.. She was pinned under the tire..so I quickly got back in and stuck it in reverse. I tried to remain calm but I had to step on the gas to get the truck back off of her! She took off and ran to the garage where I ran to her.
It was then that I just LOST IT! I was spent! I was done in! I wanted God to show me some mercy, and I wanted it..NOW! Miley was hurting so badly, I just started screaming and begging God for His help. I laid beside her and pleaded with Him to take her out of her pain and misery as she yelped and whined. I pleaded if He were ever to be here to help NOW is the time. I cried until she stopped whimpering. Then I went in and called my son and we took her to the vet, where he gave her immediate pain medication, took xrays and later said..
...............that NOTHING was seriously wrong with her but that she was very badly bruised! He showed me the xrays that showed some sever internal bruising on her lung and stomach areas... but no broken ribs ..no internal bleeding ..no broken bones!!
I know..can you believe that? Later that evening..the kids and I came back and picked her up (gently) and have been giving her pain meds twice day. By Sunday she went down to greet the horses! What do you think of that?
So my point would be..life is so full of lessons. When I thought I was all alone and life had no hope and was full of despair. God showed me how the good energies can out number the bad. Good things out weigh the bad things that have been happening to me and my loved ones... God reminded me ..He is with me. Even tho I felt like I have had too much on my plate.. He showed me again that He is present...we are not alone. He does answer your prayers. He is there helping you along our way...He doesn't stop life from happening but He helps you deal with what life hands you and sometimes gives you a little boost! He teaches you compasion, forgivenes, and you have the choice of whether you are going to choose good or evil. He will teach you how to be a better person. He answers your prayers..although..the answers might not be the answers you want to hear....or in the time frame you feel you want things answered in..but if you search you will find the answers..in your heart! He knows what is best! I have to remain positive. I have to forget about worrying about a black cloud! You can't hang on to negative energy or you will become it! I have to remember..He has been there for me through-out my whole life ..all I have to do is.....ask for Him. Some people might not get it and for them I have my regrets..I wish they could because life would be so much easier on those they love.
How easily now..I can look back on my problems and see:
I am lucky to have any vehicle to pick my precious grandchildren up from school. When taking home our 6 year old grandson, he told us, "that was the best weekend of my life!".. ( I'll tell you why in another post!) so that tells me my daughter's kids are happy ..they are making new friends in their new neighborhood..maybe this move has given them all a new lease on life..a new start. They are dealing healthily with what life has handed them.
My oldest son said something told him to put on his eye protection-goggle on that day he was working with the grinder and that grinder left a deep gouge all the way down through that protective eye-piece..he would have lost his eye if he had not wore those glasses. The plastic surgeon cleaned and stitched his face up so neatly and his scar has healed nicely... It's hard to tell he was cut so horribly. And ..he still has that beautiful grin that comes from within.
My youngest son's doctor said if the broken bones would have reached just a small fraction higher on his cheek..it would have fractured the whole structure of the eye socket and his eye would have drooped permanently. His eye is a long way from his broken heart.
He is still a young man and he is learning something about himself and how to deal with his anguish of the health of his father. We all are.
And ....I, still, have my ole man farting and sleeping next to me every night and although he is a bit of a pain..that is a good thing! I gave my husband back his gold cross and said some more thanks to God for helping us all through these crisis' we have been facing, lately. Everything could have been so much worse. And I thanked Him for once again for forgiving me and for restoring my Faith .